Monday, 19 May 2008

A Dilemma: Should I Ignore or Just Say No.

I simply hate saying no.

'Dude could you help me with this?’, 'Mate, I really need your help on that...’ Don’t all of us know these phrases? I, from nature, like to help people out as much as I can; forgetting at times that I may have something better to do. Don’t know what makes me do it. But I find it really hard to say 'No'. Some people call it kindness. Some say it’s just a desire to help others; supposedly a virtue. Or like a good friend of mine once said, ''s again just pure, simple selfishness in the end'. Somehow the latter does make a lot of sense.

Most of us help others just to have a clear conscience. It's that joyful feeling of having done something good that makes most of us help others out. Hence, Selfishness. Or maybe some people, like myself, believe in the old saying, 'Do good and good shall be done unto you'...which, when you take out the philosophy, translates into being selfish!
But think about it this way: thinking about yourself first is selfish. But we had established that helping someone is also selfish. So it’s just a matter of choosing one of the two evils; the latter at least give you a good feeling in the end.

But what can one do when you either need to chose between yourself or helping someone? At first, the answer may seem simple; yourself of course. Is there anything better than looking after one's own a**? In case it really does come to a point, where I don’t feeling like helping someone...what do I do? Do I chose myself first and spend the time debating with my conscious that what I had to do is more important? Or should I help someone and then get angry at myself for not finding enough time to get my job done. Let me add to that: I am not a multi-tasker. So people who come with the advice, 'Try to balance both...’ it doesn't work with me.

And how does one really deny someone help in the most charming manner? I know a few people who keeping whining about their problems till my conscience forces me to offer my help. Like I said, I just can't say no.
I have two options at my disposal. Whenever I have a conversation with someone, where I have the feeling it could eventually end in an 'SOS', I just flee the scenario, in an attempt to be selfish in, let’s say, a non-selfish manner; without hurting any feelings. Or I try to steel myself and manage a squeaky 'No, I'm sorry'. Neither of these really helps me in the end from feeling bad about of the many vicious circles of life.

Blessed are those who can say 'No' without having to fight their guilt. But I guess, it is because of the remaining 'unblessed', that we manage to survive some particularly difficult days.

Speaking of which, I need a big favor from a friend...hope he doesn't say no :-)


Sands | കരിങ്കല്ല് said...


I'll give you a book.. next week! :)

Regarding the selfishness part, we can redefine "selfishness" in a better way (i'm sure that you'll accept that definition) and then lot many troubles will be gone.


Sands | കരിങ്കല്ല് said...

One Tricky Question:

Could you pleast tell "no" to me?

(Think before you answer) ;)